From The Morning

A very Nick Drake morning in the Lou. Last few mornings have been drastically nipply, but I rode all the same, soon it will be hot and sticky in the early a.m. and then I will be missing cool mornings. I hitched a ride to coffee with the roommate this morning, as I was distraught over my fixed gear's many technical difficulties. JT was quite right, the lock-nut on the Jeunet's head-set is 32mm... of course the adjustment nut is not a hex-nut at all, but some kind of grooved deal. I used a pair of large Channel-Lock water pump pliers to adjust it. After tightening appropriately, I discovered that the head-set requires re-packing. Crapola. The projects keep multiplying this spring. I have yet to finish the 60's mod-chairs, haven't got the raised-bed garden in yet, and should spend a bit of time re-organizing the basement. Oh, and I have a year to do the lab work for three chapters of my dissertation.

Please send positive vibes.

Spring Rocks!

Today was the third day in a row of cool mornings and warm days. Spring is here and it rocks! I took a longer route in to work yesterday, and it was one of the most pleasant experiences of a very trying month. I haven't taken a day off in over two weeks, and I am beginning to fray at the edges. I am a little suprised at how productive I am still managing to be, but I can feel myself slowly grinding to a halt. Saturday will be a blessed relief as I am not coming to work, come hell or high water. I am going to enjoy the simple pleasure of mowing the cliff (the front yard) as well as establishing my raised vegetable garden out back. Of course, I am going to go for a ride.

Those Miserable French

I have coffee almost every morning with two French citizens and have come to the realization that the French are only truly happy when miserable, and being contrary. In no other nation on earth would the unemployed go on strike to protest a law that might get them a job! Since the Jeunet is a French creation, it possesses similar attributes (pump mounts, yes, bottle cage bosses, no). I still have yet to tighten the headset, as I lack the proper spanner. I have tried to measure the nut, in order to purchase the correct size of wrench. It appears to be a 33 mm. Most headset wrenches are 32, 34 or 36 mm. This would suggest that either I am wrong, or that I am disastrously right. I will have to bite the bullet and buy a wrench or two, and hope that, if a 32 or 34 won't work on the Jeunet, they will be satisfactory for the Trek, whose headset was made in that land of joyous, engineering bliss, Japan.

Wrapping It Up

I knew today was going to be a hard day when I woke up at 4:30 thinking someone was knocking at the back door. I rushed upstairs thinking maybe its the Super-A! No one was there, but the wind had knocked over the broom we keep on the back porch. I managed to slip in and out of sleep for about an hour, then sucked it up and got up. A cold morning, at 38 degrees with a wind chill at 29! The weather-woman didn't help much by pointing out that the last frost is usually April 6th. Rode in to work about 6, had to break out the balacava, the Yoko gloves, the InMotion tights... Fired up a polymerization and then managed to get to coffee about 9. Around 10 I sucked it up again and rode out to Super-A's to pick up a few things, and drop some things off, dreading the whole ride. The wind didn't make it any easier, and when I passed the Natatorium and saw her Honda, thought I was going to bawl. I got to her house, and a flood of happy memories washed over me, I saw the little bag on her back porch, took some things, left others, read the note, cried a little, put myself together and rode back to work, forgetting to leave her things! I will have to mail them today...

I've been listening to lots of U2 lately, funny that I never really listened to the lyrics of Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For until now. "You broke the bonds, loosed the chains, carried the cross and, all my shame..." After reading her note, I know that she loves me as much as I love her, and that the pain and loneliness is equally shared. I also understand that our relationship was a chance to break through the barriers to being able to love that our pasts had put up. It was a gamble, a roll of the dice, and in the end was worth it, even with everything we are going through now. One of the things I have learned is that when leaving, whether its a job, or a city or a relationship, to leave the door open, who knows what the future will bring... as for the past, well I've managed to recover an important part of me that I thought was lost. Thanks Super-A, I love you, and you'll always be super to me.

The last of the emotional posts for a while, we'll return to the regularly scheduled cycling craziness next week.

Could have been...

In the last few days I have been doing a lot of meditation on myself, where my life is and where my life is headed. Having looked at myself critically I can state that I don't handle stress nearly as well as I need to, I am not nearly as mature as I think I need to be, but that I am more mature than I thought I was, that I need a more concrete plan for my research, I lack the right spanner (i.e. wrench) for adjusting my head set, I need to up my mileage on the bike, and that, as painful as it has been, I understand the GF's decision in a strange way. I coined her Super-A for a good reason, she is a super person. Her heart is bigger than most, her hugs are solid, her kisses electric, her brain active, her willingness to help unreal and her sense of self is stronger than steel. She knows herself well, and if something in her subconscience is telling her to not date me, then who am I to argue with that? If you love someone, set them free, isn't that what the Beatles told us to do? Having dated her, I can say I am a better person now then I was before, and that the growing I have done the last few months has been astounding, and mostly her doing. I miss her terribly and am bit blue, but that's ok, I am in love with the woman, but not with her, which is a bummer any way you slice it. All in all I am taking it for what it is, a chance to reflect on myself, and what I experienced, and I am pretty happy with what I see. I had a lot of fun, and smiled a lot considering that work was delivering a serious arse-kicking at the time. Who can tell what the future holds, its not set in stone anywhere I am aware of. I'm ok with the mystery, the great magnet will lead me wherever I need to go, and get me there on schedule. I could dwell on what I might have been: a boy friend, a husband, a lover, but in the end, I need to be myself first, those other roles will be there when its time.

Until then, anyone want to go for a ride?

Loose Head Set

The Jeunet is a maintanence casulty right now. Loose headset, which is more of a bother than anything else because a) I don't own a bike stand and b) its a French bike, and is therefore a little weird. I am going to try and find the time tonight to fix it after I mow the lawn, but may actually exacerbate the problem... I forsee lots of swearing and some bruised/scrapped knuckles. The Red Trek is holding up pretty well, needs a few minor adjustments to the front deraileur, and the chain could use a good lube job. Planning on a relaxed 6 miler tonight, for no reason at all.

My girlfriend broke up with me on saturday, but more on that later.