Could have been...

In the last few days I have been doing a lot of meditation on myself, where my life is and where my life is headed. Having looked at myself critically I can state that I don't handle stress nearly as well as I need to, I am not nearly as mature as I think I need to be, but that I am more mature than I thought I was, that I need a more concrete plan for my research, I lack the right spanner (i.e. wrench) for adjusting my head set, I need to up my mileage on the bike, and that, as painful as it has been, I understand the GF's decision in a strange way. I coined her Super-A for a good reason, she is a super person. Her heart is bigger than most, her hugs are solid, her kisses electric, her brain active, her willingness to help unreal and her sense of self is stronger than steel. She knows herself well, and if something in her subconscience is telling her to not date me, then who am I to argue with that? If you love someone, set them free, isn't that what the Beatles told us to do? Having dated her, I can say I am a better person now then I was before, and that the growing I have done the last few months has been astounding, and mostly her doing. I miss her terribly and am bit blue, but that's ok, I am in love with the woman, but not with her, which is a bummer any way you slice it. All in all I am taking it for what it is, a chance to reflect on myself, and what I experienced, and I am pretty happy with what I see. I had a lot of fun, and smiled a lot considering that work was delivering a serious arse-kicking at the time. Who can tell what the future holds, its not set in stone anywhere I am aware of. I'm ok with the mystery, the great magnet will lead me wherever I need to go, and get me there on schedule. I could dwell on what I might have been: a boy friend, a husband, a lover, but in the end, I need to be myself first, those other roles will be there when its time.

Until then, anyone want to go for a ride?